Defining Me.

You are not defined by a number.

You are not defined by the people you spend time with.

You are not defined by how loud your laugh is, how expensive your clothes are or your relationship status.

You are not defined by the way you walk, your eye color, or if you have one arm or two.

Your value is not found in the number of 0’s in your banking account or the value of your house.

Instead, you are defined by the One that created you.

Your value is found in the fact that YOUR name is engraved into the hands that created the universe.

Your value is shown in the fact that the Savior says that you are worth dying for.

You are defined by God saying that you have been made a new creation.

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You are not only worth the price, but you are already paid for.

You are not only loveable, but deeply loved.

You are not only beautiful, but designed to be so.

You are not simply liked, but delighted in.

You are new.

You are redeemed.

You are His.

Let the Perfect One define you.

Isaiah 30:21

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

...listening for this voice.

Ecuador.

...How do you try to explain an overseas adventure to someone? I've been trying to answer this questions for several weeks now. People ask me how my trip was, how the food was, what the bathrooms were like (by the way, never ask someone that..it's wierd) and lots of other types of questions and I'm still at a loss as to answer them. They say "tell me" and I have no idea where to begin. I cannot ever hope to be able to fully put those ten days in Ecuador into words but I can try to explain bits & pieces of the things that really impacted me.

CHURCH-We were blessed to have the opportunity to come alongside many ministries in Ecuador. We attended a church in Pifo on Sunday and then did work projects and ran a Vacation Bible School during the week. On Sunday I was fascinated by the church service. The church building was very simple-just a big room with a stage-and so different than my own church. Yet I've never seen people worship like the Ecuadorians. Their songs to Jesus were so pure and honest. They were truly in love with their Savior. This only became more evident to us throughout the week as we continued working with these same people. They were so dedicated to the church and the people in it. The church was not only a staple in the community, but it was a family to the people in it. They came together to help each other and you could see the close bond between everyone. It reminded me so much of the church in Acts...everyone sharing what they had and being a community. We also got the chance to do our VBS program in two other more rural locations. One was in a community center in a farming village in the mountains. The other was held in a side of a house in a very very poor area. This one shocked me the most. There was a tin roof, dirt floors and half the wall was constructed of plastic bags, just to keep the rain out. We somehow fit about 50 kids in and ran our VBS program! We held games in a horse pasture and crafts were in the yard, right next to the pigs. I absolutely fell in love with it. Later that night, the missionary we were working with made a comment that that "church" was more like the church of the world than my church was. I forgot that most Christians don't get the opportunity to worship in a nice building with a cafe and bookstore like me. Many times it's in a setting like we had experienced there.  Their church is truly about PEOPLE, not the silly things we tend to dwell on like sound systems and carmel lattes. Those things aren't bad as long as we don't loose sight of what is important. They are all about doing life together and pushing each other towards Christ. Theirs is the kind of church that God wants...one that loves people and loves Him. It was so inspiring to see people like that!

CULTURE-I'm in love. I've always known that cultures have interested me and I knew I would enjoy it but I didn't realize how much. I adored being able to get a taste of what it's like to live there. To speak Spanish everyday. To see women with bushels of wheat on their backs. To see street performers in Quito. To eat their food (guinea pig isn't as bad as it sounds).To hear their beautiful music. Every new discovery was exciting! On our last day we went to the Mitad del Mundo (Equator) and there was a shopping plaza there where we got to go souvineer shopping. At one point I stepped outside of the shop I was in with my friends and just watched. There was a group playing Ecuadorian music in the center of the plaza and people were walking around. They wore different clothes, spoke Spanish, many probably living in brick houses. It was so different than my life. I loved it and drank it in for as long as I could. Something in me draws me to different cultures. Each one is so unique and beautiful. The Ecuadorian culture was no exception and I loved it!

PEOPLE-I can honestly say I've never been so touched as I was by the hearts of the Ecuadorian people. They were the most loving, accepting, and greatful people I've ever met. When we first came into their church they were constantly coming up to us and shaking our hands, kissing our cheeks, or trying to use broken English to welcome us and show their gratitude for us being there. They put up with our Spanish the entire week and would help us without teasing (that we saw, at least!) The first VBS we did was at the house of a lady named Sonia. She had began a program every week for people in the community. After the VBS, she invited us back to her home for dinner....not an easy thing to do for 22 people. But she and her husband were sooo hospitable to us! The children were so loving. Many times, I had little girls run up to me and just climb in my lap or grab my hand.We would talk like old friends until they had to go home, but not before they would kiss my cheeks and give me a big hug. One time a little girl had climbed up into my arms and we were having a nice little chat and I asked what her favorite part of VBS was. She said (in Spanish) that her favorite part was being there with me. I thought I was going to melt. One day while we were painting outside, two little boys came and talked with me as I worked. We talked about my life in the U.S. and our families and what they wanted to be when they grew up. They just sat and chatted with me for a while then they wanted to help me! We had so much fun working together and talking. Although it was so simple, that was one of my favorite memories from the whole trip. The hardest part of the week was saying goodbye to those sweet people. After our last day of work in the church in Pifo we went to their sanctuary and the pastor began to speak. He told us how we were now a part of their family and their doors would always be open to us. They gave each of us a beautiful leather clock with the name of our church and their church-a gift that we knew they couldn't afford. They presented us with a plaque with a Spanish bible verse to bring back to our church. In reality, we hadn't done anything amazing. Sure, we took down a few walls and painted a kitchen and some other things but it wasn't anything lifechanging. Yet, they were sooo greatful towards us. We were all moved to tears by their kind hearts. They thanked all of us so many times!  Although we thought we had said goodbye, that night a group of ten people from the church suprised us by coming to our apartment (an hour away) to play us some traditional Ecuadorian music as a thank you. We had soooo much fun listening to the beautiful music. We sang Amazing Grace in two different languages. It was so perfect. Again, we were so moved that they spent the time to come and play for us. We felt like we had a new family in them and it was hard to say goodbye. Their loving hearts towards us and God had such a huge impact on me that week!

CHALLENGES-I was totally out of my comfort zone in Ecuador. None of my close friends were going on that trip and it was my first missions trip without my best friend. Not only that, but they were just coming back from their trip when I was leaving so I barely got to talk to them the week before I left. So I was way out of my element. I had also been put in charge of doing music before we left and I was so nervous. It continually pushed me out of my comfort zone because I hate being in front of people!! The first day we were there I was told we were going to sing in front of 300-400 people in church the next day. Scaredoutofmymind. Although I was constantly being challenged with that, I can see now how it was a good thing. God revealed Himself to me so much. I no longer had a friend to text or even to talk to when I was upset or had something to say... now I had to pray about it and tell my Best Friend. I felt very lonely sometimes but I began to realize how I wasn't alone at all..He wanted me to tell Him EVERYTHING. I also had the opportunity to praise God using some....talents? I would never be the one to volunteer myself to do music but somehow it worked out I was the only one who could play acoustic guitar. It was cool to see how God used my very small musical abilites to get what He needed done. One moment sticks out in my mind...as we were singing in church that first Sunday I had a surreal moment. It hit me what I was doing. Playing guitar in front of a large crowd in another country, leading my group in singing a worship song to God. The words hit me differently that time I sang it "So take me as you find me, all my fears and failures. Fill my life again. I give my life to follow everything I believe in, now I surrender. Savior, He can move the mountains, My God is mighty to save, He is mighty save. Forever, author of salvation, He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave." I realized that if I gave God everything I had, my strengths & my weaknesses, He would use it to glorify Him. That's a pretty cool promise if you ask me.

So what did I learn? I learned alot.  I learned that God can do extraordinary things throught ordinary people. I met so many people throughout the week that were doing amazing things for God. Pastor Jose in the dump ministry was making a huge impact on the lives of people that live in some of the worst situations possible. He is not only helping their physical needs, but showing them how to fulfill their spiritual needs through Jesus. Pastor Jose is not highly educated or come from a wonderful, easy lifestyle, yet he is changing these people's lives. We also heard the story of how Extreme Response (the missions agency we went with) was started. The missionaries had started a small ministry in the dumps and decided to throw a Christmas party for the people that lived there. They had planned for 300 people and 600 people ended up coming. As they served food they realized they would soon run out...but they never did and they even had ten gallons left over. If that's not a miracle I don't know what is. I found out later that both of those missionaries had graduated from a high school in my school district. They lived in the same city I do. They were probably alot like me and God used them to be a part of something like that and now they are impacting literally thousands of people worldwide through Extreme Response. I learned that God loves it when I have to fully depend on Him.  Although it was really hard being away from my friends and family, I found out what it means to depend on God. To tell Him what's on my mind and turn to Him when I'm lonely. I also saw it in the Ecuadorian people and how they relied on Him so greatly. They needed Him to provide for their church and for their own needs.  Through that, they fall deeper in love with Him. Even though that can be a very scary place to be, when we depend on God for everything we can see who He really is. I learned that God loves culture even more than I do. He made the Ecuadorian culture the way it is. He made the hearts of the people there. He crafted all of it just perfectly and it glorifies Him. We sang Open the Eyes of my Heart in Spanish and English...it was such a beautiful moment. Both of our languages praising the same Lord. I'm pretty sure I could feel God smiling during that song :)

 
My experience in Ecuador was so much different than I ever expected. It was not the easiest trip I've ever been on but my eyes were opened so much.  I know the people there impacted me so much more than I ever impacted them. I believe that God worked things out just the way He wanted them to be. Like I said before, I can't put this trip into words. My heart was changed by the people of Ecuador and through seeing God work. When you get a chance to see what God is doing around the world, it will totally change your life. I'm so thankful I got the opporunity to go to Ecuador!

Adventure>Fear

I love the idea of adventure. It excites me. I've always wanted to sieze every adventure that this life has to offer, whether it be in my backyard or across the world. Now I have the opportunity to go on a real life adventure and I'm scared to death. I'm scared of failing at the responsibilities I've been given. Scared of the difficulties and complexities of traveling to another country. Scared of getting sick or hurt when I'm there. Scared of missing out on something important when I'm there. Scared silly of the unknown.

Adventure [ad-ven-chur]: (n) an exciting or very unusual experience. participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome. (v) to risk or hazard. to take the chance of; dare.

Risk and uncertainty are part of the adventure. It's part of what make it an experience worth remembering and savoring. It's overcoming those obstacles that's the important element of adventure. If that's the case, the only thing that can kill the adventure is giving into fear. It's inevitable that one will be afraid of the unknown, but the key is doing what needs to be done despite the emotions. One of my favorite quotes is " Always do what you are afraid to do." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Do it anyway. That's the heart of adventure: Overcoming the obstacles and emotion to sieze the opportunity before you.

I'm going to try to remember this as this adventure begins to unfold...this is one opportunity I do not want to miss out on!

f a v o r i t e s.

I'm the type of person that gets really excited about good music, listens to it on repeat for about two weeks, gets tired of it, rediscovers two years later, repeats. At the moment, these are a few of my favorites! Thought I'd share :)


Highest Place-Desperation Band

Redeemer-Nicole C. Mullen

Half of My Heart-John Mayer

Lead Me-Sanctus Real

Satisfy- Tenth Avenue North

Beloved-Tenth Avenue North

All About Us-He is We

Light A Way-He is We

I Wouldn't Mind- He is We

All That You Are- Goo Goo Dolls

Light Up the Sky- The Afters

Long, Hot Summer-Keith Urban

Summer Wind- Frank Sinatra

Around the World-Frank Sinatra

The Follow Through.

Let Your kingdom come on earth. Let Your will be done

Let every kingdom of this earth bow.

Let the sinners sing for joy, we are saved by grace
Let every saint break through these doors and shout

You’re calling out, “who will go?”

I will go. I will live the life. I’ll give it all for Jesus Christ.
I’ll tell the world that You are God.
I will go. Hear my battle cry. Give me wings so I can fly
and tell the world that You are God.


Here am I, here am I, I will give all that is mine.
Here am I, here am I, Jesus come and spend my life. -Desperation Band

 

Today I was listening to this song and I had a flashback to a couple months ago. I remember standing in church, singing this song at the top of my lungs, meaning every word that came out of my mouth. At that point, it seemed like a reasonably easy task...continue to try to live the life that I had been striving for my whole life-a life that glorifies God. It's a constant challenge but I've never felt overwhelmed by it. However, this call to "go" became more real when it became time to choose a missions trip to go on. A strange series of events led me to choose to go to Ecuador for a week-something I always said I was never interested in doing although I had taken Spanish classes for 6 years. Even though it wasn't what I had expected to do, it felt like I had made a good decision. When we began having meetings I realized that all of my bestfriends were all going on another trip to Camp Barnabas which I had gone on two years ago. It began to hit me that I was going to be the odd one out. They were going to have so much fun at that amazing place, making inside jokes and becoming closer together and I would be off trying to speak Spanish in South America. That was really hard. I've always had my friends by my side, serving together and that has brought us closer together. What made it almost worse was that they were returning from their trip the day after I left meaning that I wouldn't see them for almost three weeks!

That team left this morning. Goodbye was hard, I can't lie. I came home from seeing the off and turned on my iPod and this song from Desperation Band came on and I felt God speaking to me through it. Those words that I sang months earlier had come from my heart and now I was living that out. I had said "I will give all that is mine, Jesus come and spend my life". Even though it isn't easy, I know that this is what He has for me and that's exciting. We're all called to follow Jesus no matter the cost. Some people are called to give up their comfort and work in an office where they will be ridiculed for loving God. Some are called to give up their safety and go to a country where they will be killed for being a Christian. In my case at this point in my life, it means giving up my friends for a while and learning to grow with Jesus without them being there with me. It's easy to say the words. The action is the hard part. I was reading in James the other day about how faith without deeds is dead. Now is my time to live what I said I believe. I told God to take all that is mine and to spend my life and now it's time to follow through on that and trust that He knows what He's doing.

I can see now why God chose me to not go on the trip with them. Though sometimes I don't want to admit it, I let my friendships get in the way of completely focusing on Him. Although it's hard right now, I get a peace knowing that God decided that I needed 1o days of completely undistracted time to focus on Him and dive into His word before going to Ecuador. He is preparing my heart to serve in an uncomfortable situation and I know I'm going to depend on Him more than I have in a long time. I love how He desires us. He wants all of us and it's special knowing that He has prepared this time for me to run to Him.  It will be an adventure that's for sure. And a challenge. But I'm excited for what God has in store for everyone in the next few weeks!!



{Dear God, please bless the Camp Barnabas team as they are on their way to Missouri. Keep them safe and bless the relationships that they are building. Give them strength, energy, and patience once they get there. I pray that You will make Yourself so evident to them in the next week and that You will work miracles in their lives and the lives of their campers. Thank you for their hearts and their willingness to serve You. Bless them, Father. In Your Holy Name, Amen}



Making Sense of the Madness




 

At this moment my head is full of jumbled thoughts. As usual. They never seem to slow down and never seem to go away without a new one replacing it. These are the things that are cluttering my thoughts right now...

I'm tired. Do those stinking college apps or you're never going to get in!! I need to see my friends before they leave-I'm really going to miss them. That nap in the sun probably wasn't a good idea, was it now?  Those fireworks last night were so pretty. I hope my cousin is doing ok today.  Is this trip I'm going on in a few weeks really a good idea? What am I going to do with my life? I need to figure out my schedule for next year or I'm going to be stuck in the horrible classes. I need that person to turn in my reference so I can start this internship!!

And so the constant, worried blabbering in my mind continues. It's summer right? The time of year when I should be the most carefree and unstressed! Why do I keep running these thoughts through my mind over and over again?

I was thinking about this last night. It was the picture perfect 4th of July. I was going to a fireworks show with one of my best friends in the world. Driving into the sunset with our hands out the car windows singing our favorite songs, knowing we would meet up with friends and then spend the night watching movies and talking. How could a 17 year old girl ask for anything more? Yet my mind still wandered and went back to the things I had to do and the decisions I would have to make. And worse, I thought about how I wish I could change the situations. Why can't God just show me where to go to college? Why couldn't I have just gone on a trip with all of my other friends?  Why can't I have an easy schedule for senior year? Why couldn't I just be content with where I was at this point in my life? July 4th, 2011 at 11 p.m. watching fireworks with my bestfriends.

I think I had the wrong idea of what content means. I so often view it as meaning that everything in my life is perfect. That I'm happy with my friends, my family, my relationships, me, my school, my future. And with all those perfect aspects of my life, there would be no reason for me to need a God that would help me deal with all the nasty, scary, hard parts of life. I had totally missed the meaning of being content. God gave me Philippians 4:12-13 to help me understand...

{I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.}



So what does it mean to be truly content?....

True contentment is realizing that the imperfections of life that are bound to happen are nothing compared to the God that is facing them with us. True contentment is seeing the beauty of the fact that we cannot face life on our own, but instead have to rely completely on our Savior-we truly have no control. True contentment is realizing that these imperfections in life are what mold us into the people we need to be. True contentment is knowing that in time, God will make all things beautiful again. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

I don't want to keep chasing the idea that someday I will have it all perfect. When I look at the big picture of my life, I'm glad that I have these worries and struggles. I know that God's got it and I will be stronger in the long run and that's good enough for me. :)