The Promise

There are some days when I’m just tired. Days when I feel like I can’t even sit down because I have somewhere else to be, something else to do and someone else I needed to be with. My mind won’t stay still, but is constantly flipping through mental lists of things I need to take care of. I’m not present, but hours in the future doing things that need to be finished. At the end of the day, I don’t even remember what happened. It’s a blur. I feel very small in a huge world. Very simple in an incredibly complicated place.

It’s moments like these when I become extremely aware of the beauty of the Gospel. I become overwhelmed by God’s grace. It’s in these moments of chaos that I realize my brokenness, my humanity, and my need for something so much greater than I.  I become aware of the things that are keeping me going, the hope I have that keeps me standing and the purpose I’ve been given that keeps me moving forward.  And usually, when I’m in the midst of the noise and the stress and the mess that threatens my sanity, I suddenly feel a peace that I know can only be found through Jesus. A still, gentle reminder that I don’t belong in this sad world, but that Home is waiting for me. I’m reminded of my physical need for Him and the fulfillment of the promise that He will never leave me or forsake me.  With Christmas so close, I think of the promise of Emmanuel: God WITH us. With us in the big moments and the small, in times of uncertainty and doubt, laughter and tears, always with us.  We are never alone in the chaos of life, but held securely in the hand of the Father. It is these precious things that I hold onto when life becomes confusing and overwhelming.

 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27

The Ring

 

Once upon a time, three years ago, on my sixteenth birthday I followed in the footsteps of many Christian girls and got a purity ring. I put much thought into it, making sure it was something that I would wear until I was engaged. After it was in my possession, I would look at it, thinking how special it would be someday when I was able to give it to my husband, showing that I had waited for him all of my life. I had heard story after story of how meaningful and beautiful it was to give a symbol and a gift like that. I dreamed of what that was like, hoping that that romance would one day be my story.

I can still relate to many of these feelings. I’m a sucker for a good love story, and I’m a firm believer that the best ones are real, not in movies. I long to be loved and to eventually be happily married to the man of my dreams. Hardly a day goes by when I don’t think of how/when/where God will put this special person into my life. Throughout all of that, I’ve kept the ring. I look at it and remember that hopefully I will someday give it to the person I’m made to be with. It’s, in a way, a promise that in the end I will end up happily in love. Just a little bit of waiting then happily ever after, right?

The other day I was sitting in church, playing with my ring as usual, running these things through my mind. I looked at it and daydreamed yet again “someday you will give this to the person I love”. But this time something didn’t feel right. Who had promised me that? Who was I to know that this story will for sure end up the way I want it to? I realized how much of a guarantee and an expectation I had put on that simple ring. I realized that nowhere, NOWHERE, did God promise me that I would end up married. I was the one making blind promises to myself, as if I had any control over it anyway. That’s a helpless feeling when it’s something that your heart desires so deeply.  Just then, the pastor of the service said something regarding the Church as the Bride of Christ. I was overwhelmed. I realized that I had been so off-target.

I’ve heard of some girls getting rid of their rings when they realize they were making it too much of a focus. While I see the logic in that, I don’t believe the promise is void, I just think we’ve looked at it the wrong way. Yes, we are guarenteed a beautiful romance but it isn’t necessarily an earthly one. So instead of getting rid of this symbol, I’m giving it a new purpose. I will now wear it as a celebration of love that I am promised and already have instead of a hope of something that I am not guaranteed. I will look at it as a covenant of the romance that I have with my Savior. I will first be faithful to Him and if He ever chooses to bring me into a relationship, it will be a symbol of how I kept myself to be faithful first to the Bride of Christ then as an earthly bride. A man who truly loves Jesus will want me to follow Christ over himself anyway.  The truth is that no one can love me like Jesus can and I don’t even have to wait for that love. It is right now, a promise that I was born into, enjoy every day and will dwell in for the rest of my life. What love story can compare to that?

College

 

is wonderful.

 

 

 

Now excuse me as I go do homework.

Next Chapter.

Eighteen years ago I set out on an adventure. A long journey trying to find who I was and what my place in this world should be. I walked confidently at times, and others I barely got by, scared by what this world had to offer. I've fallen, gotten back up, grown stronger. I've looked back and seen my mistakes, my triumphs and the things I still need to learn. I know that this journey isn't even close to being over. Tonight marks the end of one chapter. The goodbyes have been said, the car is packed, my room is essentially empty. I'm stepping out of this wonderful life of high school- the amazing friends I have, living with my family, knowing exactly what to expect. From here on out, I don't really know what happens. It's the end of a beautifully written chapter, and the beginning of one that I'm sure will be equally (if not more!) amazing.



Even though the future is very uncertain right now, I cannot explain the peace I have. I know that I'm where God wants me, that He set this out for me before the Earth was even formed. Each step I take, each person I meet is strategically planned by Him. This is a leap of faith for me-going out on my own and getting a real taste of this world, but I learned a long time ago that if we are not stretched, we do not grow. I'm being stretched to the limit right now so I'm going to run straight into all that I'm meant to learn right now. I'm realizing the amazing comfort that comes from God's promise that He will never leave us or forsake us. I've seen His faithfulness in the past 18 years of this adventure and I know that He will see me through the next chapter and beyond. In the words of my Haitian friends, "All the GLory goes to the Lord!"

So tonight I said goodbye to the life I have loved for this leg of the journey. I’m beyond thankful for the people who have walked in it with me.  Now it’s time to turn the page and begin this next chapter.

Goodbye high school…hello college.

First World Problems

If ignorance is innocence than I'd rather just know it all.

I’d prefer be a mess than to believe this problem’s minimal.

Pristine, overrated, self-serving, overcomplicated

This hyped up American dream isn’t worth the price

When you realize your materialism is at the cost of a life.

Your comfortable, easy, happy go lucky reality

Is forever perpetuating this first world problem mentality.

Open your eyes and see the pain all around you.

See men, women, children on the ground just hunting for food.

We buy meaningless cars, unending riches and

forget to even look at people sleeping in the ditches.

Since when did a church become a place of complacency?

Of telling us what we want to know, avoiding what we don’t care to see?

Well “love thy neighbor as thy self”

Should be heard as less of a suggestion and more a cry for help.

Your purpose isn’t comfort but to bring love to the nations!

Don’t compromise your calling due to selfish motivations.

When politics corrode the generosity in your soul

You’ve got more issues than your debt, you’re about to lose control

Of the things that truly matter, the ones that mean much more

Like peace, love, generosity, those ones you can’t ignore.

Jesus even said if you don’t act out love, your faith is dead,

And it’s tough to share His love when you’re lying comfortably in bed.

So get up, get out, and look outside your own front door.

Allow your eyes to opened and you’ll see more than ever before.

"Ohana means family"

This week my family traveled across the country for my cousin's wedding. Naturally, most of our extended family was there which is ALWAYS a good time. Late night conversations, laughing at Saturday Night Live and embarassing dance moves. Classic. Then we were able to see another side of the family that we rarely get to spend time with! When we first met him, my shy 4 year old cousin asked me "Why are you here?" "Because you're my family!" He ran up and gave me a big hug, all shyness having vanished.

(the good old days)

It was funny when we were there looking at the people around me, seeing how much things had changed since when we were kids. Cousins who had been awkward-looking teenagers were now married, some with babies on the way. Others who played  dress up and house were now at college, enjoying their new life. Even the little ones had grown up so much. Time goes on and life changes. But family remains. The bond that holds us together is stronger than distance or age difference or circumstance. Certain things in life will change but like Lilo & Stitch said "... family means no one gets left behind".

                                         

Proverbs 18:24-Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.

These Dry Bones

This is my favorite song ever written. No joke. The lyrics, music and truth behind it are all absolutely incredible. This should be our prayer 24/7-crying out for God to satisfy us instead of seeking the things of this world. It hit me again listening to it the other day so I thought I'd share. Enjoy!

I love You Lord
But I want to love You more
I need You God
But I want to need You more

I'm lost without
Your creative spark in me
I'm dead inside
Unless Your resurrection sings

I'm desperate for a desperate heart
I'm reaching out, I'm reaching

All that I am is dry bones
Without You Lord, a desert soul
I am broken but running
Towards You God, You make me whole

You are exactly what we need
Only You can satisfy

Desert Soul-The Rend Collective Experiment

*P.S. Check out their other stuff too! Their lyrics are so raw.*