The Ring

 

Once upon a time, three years ago, on my sixteenth birthday I followed in the footsteps of many Christian girls and got a purity ring. I put much thought into it, making sure it was something that I would wear until I was engaged. After it was in my possession, I would look at it, thinking how special it would be someday when I was able to give it to my husband, showing that I had waited for him all of my life. I had heard story after story of how meaningful and beautiful it was to give a symbol and a gift like that. I dreamed of what that was like, hoping that that romance would one day be my story.

I can still relate to many of these feelings. I’m a sucker for a good love story, and I’m a firm believer that the best ones are real, not in movies. I long to be loved and to eventually be happily married to the man of my dreams. Hardly a day goes by when I don’t think of how/when/where God will put this special person into my life. Throughout all of that, I’ve kept the ring. I look at it and remember that hopefully I will someday give it to the person I’m made to be with. It’s, in a way, a promise that in the end I will end up happily in love. Just a little bit of waiting then happily ever after, right?

The other day I was sitting in church, playing with my ring as usual, running these things through my mind. I looked at it and daydreamed yet again “someday you will give this to the person I love”. But this time something didn’t feel right. Who had promised me that? Who was I to know that this story will for sure end up the way I want it to? I realized how much of a guarantee and an expectation I had put on that simple ring. I realized that nowhere, NOWHERE, did God promise me that I would end up married. I was the one making blind promises to myself, as if I had any control over it anyway. That’s a helpless feeling when it’s something that your heart desires so deeply.  Just then, the pastor of the service said something regarding the Church as the Bride of Christ. I was overwhelmed. I realized that I had been so off-target.

I’ve heard of some girls getting rid of their rings when they realize they were making it too much of a focus. While I see the logic in that, I don’t believe the promise is void, I just think we’ve looked at it the wrong way. Yes, we are guarenteed a beautiful romance but it isn’t necessarily an earthly one. So instead of getting rid of this symbol, I’m giving it a new purpose. I will now wear it as a celebration of love that I am promised and already have instead of a hope of something that I am not guaranteed. I will look at it as a covenant of the romance that I have with my Savior. I will first be faithful to Him and if He ever chooses to bring me into a relationship, it will be a symbol of how I kept myself to be faithful first to the Bride of Christ then as an earthly bride. A man who truly loves Jesus will want me to follow Christ over himself anyway.  The truth is that no one can love me like Jesus can and I don’t even have to wait for that love. It is right now, a promise that I was born into, enjoy every day and will dwell in for the rest of my life. What love story can compare to that?

Shaken

Exactly one month ago I was in one of the most devastated countries in the world. Although I was only a 2 hour plan ride away from Miami, Florida, it may as well have been another world. 

 Haiti.

I went into this experience with expectations-ideas of what it would look like, how people would act, what I would learn & how our team would react. The instant we saw Haiti from the airplane, all of these expectations flew out the window. We knew this would be completely different than we had expected and that no amount of preparation would have prepared us enough. It would not be a physical struggle (although there were the bugs and the hot sun to worry about) but instead, a battle of the heart. Instantly, I felt my heart breaking-a process that would continue the entire trip. The sights we saw were so much different than we had expected. The crumbling airport, the tent villages, the children playing in mounds of garbage and waste. Yes, the earthquake may have shaken the nation of Haiti, but Haiti shook my whole world.

There is truly no way to explain that week. It’s been a month and I’m still processing everything, trying to make sense of it all. The people that I met, the things I saw, the children I held, and the comfort I felt all worked together to break me apart and I’m still trying to figure out how God wants me to be put back together. But, I do know that I left a large piece of my heart with the Haitian people.

I think of our translators, Leon & WoWo, who worshipped Jesus with everything they had. Leon had shared one of his favorite songs with us, which reads “Majesty, Majesty, Your grace has found me just as I am. Empty-handed but alive in your hands.” I learned so much from watching them praise the Lord with their lives, truly loving Him for who He is, not just for what He’s done for them.

I think of beautiful Lineda, the girl with no parents who adopted us as her sisters. Her dreams to be a doctor will likely never come true because she doesn’t have money to go to high school. Yet, her love was able to heal my heart in so many ways. She will forever be in my heart as my Haitian-American sister, and I will keep my promise to tell others about children like her.

I think of the people of Leveque and the many orange haired children that run barefoot among the thorns on the ground. One girl clung to me one day, her hair orange from malnourishment. I realized why my arms hurt while holding her-her tailbone had been sticking out because she had no meat on her bones. One woman asked for us to pray for her to get a bra so she could go in public or even go to church. Realities like these left me speechless.

I think of the little girl in one of the villages who treated me like a princess. After we had waded through a river, she got down on her knees on the rocky ground to wring the water out of my long skirt. Later, after sitting on the dusty ground she again brushed me off until I was sufficiently clean then hugged me and grabbed my hand again. How wrong is it that the 4 year old girl that doesn’t even have shoes or pants will wait on me, a girl who has everything? I don’t know if I will ever understand.

I think of the Haitian worship service. Never in my life have I seen people cry out to the Lord like I did at the Tuesday night church service. After the music ended, they continued to sing and worship. They sang, knelt, wept and were completely real before the Lord. They began to dance, which was the start of the biggest, sweatiest, most joyful dance party I have ever seen! I can only compare it to King David’s dance in the Bible. One woman I was dancing with looked at me and communicated “Do you love Jesus too?” When I replied yes, she gave me a huge hug and we continued to dance together. It was amazing to see people who, in my mind, have so little to be thankful for, so joyful because of the salvation God has given them. It was one of the most beautiful nights of my life.

Two people were saved after the Gospel was shared here!

I think of the amazing people at Mission of Hope who are spending their lives and their passions to show Christ to every man, woman and child in Haiti. Their dedication and love truly inspired me and has completely altered my goals in life.

This trip is life changing. Haiti rocked my entire world and nothing has been the same since. Even as we arrived back in Detroit, we realized how hard it would be and how much we had changed. The culture shock of coming back into America is still difficult. Even shopping for a prom dress was hard and I broke down in a dressing room, distraught that two weeks earlier I had been holding a starving child and now I was looking for an expensive dress that I would wear once. It just isn't right. However, if I came back from this trip only with the goal to not waste water and to be thankful for my education, the trip was a waste. In order for it to mean something it has to affect your heart and change you from the inside out.

I’m still asking God what I’m meant to do with this experience. In reality, as desperate as the Haitian people are for physical necessities, they are even more in need of Jesus, a hunger that is just as prevalent here. That is my purpose right now-to bring spiritual relief to the malnourished and broken people in my life.  For now I will love where I’m at in life, taking advantage of the opportunities God has given me, while praying to return to Haiti in the future. God is showing me that I have a purpose here though I still wake up wishing to be in my mosquito net, hearing orphans running around outside. That country captivated my heart and I can’t help but believe that this is only the beginning.  I will hold this country in my heart forever, knowing that God is not done with the nation of Haiti.

{Now that I have seen, I am responsible}

Safe In His Arms



The past two weeks have been hard. Really, really hard. You know that feeling when it seems like everything crashes down and there’s nothing you can do to stop it? Yeah, I’m beginning to get used to that feeling. It’s not fun at all, but I’ve learned some important things too.

1)      God is good. God isn’t just good because He makes good things happen (which He does), but because it’s who He is. His very nature is that he is a sovereign, loving, good God. It’s so easy to get caught in the emotions of a bad situation and not be able to look outside of our “box” to see the bigger picture. We blame God for bad things that happen in our lives and ask how he can be good if hard times come into our lives.  A perfect God is not defined by the events in a fallen world.  An awesome God is not defined by the situations that he allows or stops, but by the fact that He is God. Every day. All the time. Forever. He is good. And if He is good all the time, then why should we only praise Him in the good times? I’ve found that even in the hurt and the tears and the confusion of a tough situation, when I look at WHO God is, I can’t help but praise Him. It’s like Peter trying to walk on the water. The storm was bad, and things were scary. It was easy to ask “why is this happening to me?” but instead Peter fixed his eyes on the Savior, not the situation. I’m so thankful that my God isn’t defined by the events in my life and that He is good all the time.

2)   I’ve learned that God gives peace. I’ve always read about the “peace that transcends all understanding” and I believed it was true but I’ve never experienced it until recently. On the night my family received some really hard news, we should have fallen apart. Everything came crashing down mentally but somewhere in my heart there was a small whisper saying “there is so much more than you see right now. Wait to see what God will do.” I can’t say it stopped the tears or my mind was at ease, but I knew (and still know) that God is in control of everything that’s going on. I love resting in that peace.

3)     I love the church!! I’ve gotten the chance to see God’s people in action and I seriously love it. It’s been amazing to see people pour out love to a family in need…it’s such a beautiful picture of what God intended the church to be like. I’m so proud and blessed to have such amazing friends that love God and others so much.

{{“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” Psalms 32:7}}

                                                                              You will be safe in his arms,

                                                                              You will be safe in his arms,                             

                                                                       For the hands that hold the world

                                                                               Are holding your heart

                                                                               This is the promise he made

                                                                               He will be with you always

                                                                              While everything is falling apart

You will be safe in his arms

                                                                                     -Safe:Phil Wickham