Next Chapter.

Eighteen years ago I set out on an adventure. A long journey trying to find who I was and what my place in this world should be. I walked confidently at times, and others I barely got by, scared by what this world had to offer. I've fallen, gotten back up, grown stronger. I've looked back and seen my mistakes, my triumphs and the things I still need to learn. I know that this journey isn't even close to being over. Tonight marks the end of one chapter. The goodbyes have been said, the car is packed, my room is essentially empty. I'm stepping out of this wonderful life of high school- the amazing friends I have, living with my family, knowing exactly what to expect. From here on out, I don't really know what happens. It's the end of a beautifully written chapter, and the beginning of one that I'm sure will be equally (if not more!) amazing.



Even though the future is very uncertain right now, I cannot explain the peace I have. I know that I'm where God wants me, that He set this out for me before the Earth was even formed. Each step I take, each person I meet is strategically planned by Him. This is a leap of faith for me-going out on my own and getting a real taste of this world, but I learned a long time ago that if we are not stretched, we do not grow. I'm being stretched to the limit right now so I'm going to run straight into all that I'm meant to learn right now. I'm realizing the amazing comfort that comes from God's promise that He will never leave us or forsake us. I've seen His faithfulness in the past 18 years of this adventure and I know that He will see me through the next chapter and beyond. In the words of my Haitian friends, "All the GLory goes to the Lord!"

So tonight I said goodbye to the life I have loved for this leg of the journey. I’m beyond thankful for the people who have walked in it with me.  Now it’s time to turn the page and begin this next chapter.

Goodbye high school…hello college.

Shaken

Exactly one month ago I was in one of the most devastated countries in the world. Although I was only a 2 hour plan ride away from Miami, Florida, it may as well have been another world. 

 Haiti.

I went into this experience with expectations-ideas of what it would look like, how people would act, what I would learn & how our team would react. The instant we saw Haiti from the airplane, all of these expectations flew out the window. We knew this would be completely different than we had expected and that no amount of preparation would have prepared us enough. It would not be a physical struggle (although there were the bugs and the hot sun to worry about) but instead, a battle of the heart. Instantly, I felt my heart breaking-a process that would continue the entire trip. The sights we saw were so much different than we had expected. The crumbling airport, the tent villages, the children playing in mounds of garbage and waste. Yes, the earthquake may have shaken the nation of Haiti, but Haiti shook my whole world.

There is truly no way to explain that week. It’s been a month and I’m still processing everything, trying to make sense of it all. The people that I met, the things I saw, the children I held, and the comfort I felt all worked together to break me apart and I’m still trying to figure out how God wants me to be put back together. But, I do know that I left a large piece of my heart with the Haitian people.

I think of our translators, Leon & WoWo, who worshipped Jesus with everything they had. Leon had shared one of his favorite songs with us, which reads “Majesty, Majesty, Your grace has found me just as I am. Empty-handed but alive in your hands.” I learned so much from watching them praise the Lord with their lives, truly loving Him for who He is, not just for what He’s done for them.

I think of beautiful Lineda, the girl with no parents who adopted us as her sisters. Her dreams to be a doctor will likely never come true because she doesn’t have money to go to high school. Yet, her love was able to heal my heart in so many ways. She will forever be in my heart as my Haitian-American sister, and I will keep my promise to tell others about children like her.

I think of the people of Leveque and the many orange haired children that run barefoot among the thorns on the ground. One girl clung to me one day, her hair orange from malnourishment. I realized why my arms hurt while holding her-her tailbone had been sticking out because she had no meat on her bones. One woman asked for us to pray for her to get a bra so she could go in public or even go to church. Realities like these left me speechless.

I think of the little girl in one of the villages who treated me like a princess. After we had waded through a river, she got down on her knees on the rocky ground to wring the water out of my long skirt. Later, after sitting on the dusty ground she again brushed me off until I was sufficiently clean then hugged me and grabbed my hand again. How wrong is it that the 4 year old girl that doesn’t even have shoes or pants will wait on me, a girl who has everything? I don’t know if I will ever understand.

I think of the Haitian worship service. Never in my life have I seen people cry out to the Lord like I did at the Tuesday night church service. After the music ended, they continued to sing and worship. They sang, knelt, wept and were completely real before the Lord. They began to dance, which was the start of the biggest, sweatiest, most joyful dance party I have ever seen! I can only compare it to King David’s dance in the Bible. One woman I was dancing with looked at me and communicated “Do you love Jesus too?” When I replied yes, she gave me a huge hug and we continued to dance together. It was amazing to see people who, in my mind, have so little to be thankful for, so joyful because of the salvation God has given them. It was one of the most beautiful nights of my life.

Two people were saved after the Gospel was shared here!

I think of the amazing people at Mission of Hope who are spending their lives and their passions to show Christ to every man, woman and child in Haiti. Their dedication and love truly inspired me and has completely altered my goals in life.

This trip is life changing. Haiti rocked my entire world and nothing has been the same since. Even as we arrived back in Detroit, we realized how hard it would be and how much we had changed. The culture shock of coming back into America is still difficult. Even shopping for a prom dress was hard and I broke down in a dressing room, distraught that two weeks earlier I had been holding a starving child and now I was looking for an expensive dress that I would wear once. It just isn't right. However, if I came back from this trip only with the goal to not waste water and to be thankful for my education, the trip was a waste. In order for it to mean something it has to affect your heart and change you from the inside out.

I’m still asking God what I’m meant to do with this experience. In reality, as desperate as the Haitian people are for physical necessities, they are even more in need of Jesus, a hunger that is just as prevalent here. That is my purpose right now-to bring spiritual relief to the malnourished and broken people in my life.  For now I will love where I’m at in life, taking advantage of the opportunities God has given me, while praying to return to Haiti in the future. God is showing me that I have a purpose here though I still wake up wishing to be in my mosquito net, hearing orphans running around outside. That country captivated my heart and I can’t help but believe that this is only the beginning.  I will hold this country in my heart forever, knowing that God is not done with the nation of Haiti.

{Now that I have seen, I am responsible}

Ecuador.

...How do you try to explain an overseas adventure to someone? I've been trying to answer this questions for several weeks now. People ask me how my trip was, how the food was, what the bathrooms were like (by the way, never ask someone that..it's wierd) and lots of other types of questions and I'm still at a loss as to answer them. They say "tell me" and I have no idea where to begin. I cannot ever hope to be able to fully put those ten days in Ecuador into words but I can try to explain bits & pieces of the things that really impacted me.

CHURCH-We were blessed to have the opportunity to come alongside many ministries in Ecuador. We attended a church in Pifo on Sunday and then did work projects and ran a Vacation Bible School during the week. On Sunday I was fascinated by the church service. The church building was very simple-just a big room with a stage-and so different than my own church. Yet I've never seen people worship like the Ecuadorians. Their songs to Jesus were so pure and honest. They were truly in love with their Savior. This only became more evident to us throughout the week as we continued working with these same people. They were so dedicated to the church and the people in it. The church was not only a staple in the community, but it was a family to the people in it. They came together to help each other and you could see the close bond between everyone. It reminded me so much of the church in Acts...everyone sharing what they had and being a community. We also got the chance to do our VBS program in two other more rural locations. One was in a community center in a farming village in the mountains. The other was held in a side of a house in a very very poor area. This one shocked me the most. There was a tin roof, dirt floors and half the wall was constructed of plastic bags, just to keep the rain out. We somehow fit about 50 kids in and ran our VBS program! We held games in a horse pasture and crafts were in the yard, right next to the pigs. I absolutely fell in love with it. Later that night, the missionary we were working with made a comment that that "church" was more like the church of the world than my church was. I forgot that most Christians don't get the opportunity to worship in a nice building with a cafe and bookstore like me. Many times it's in a setting like we had experienced there.  Their church is truly about PEOPLE, not the silly things we tend to dwell on like sound systems and carmel lattes. Those things aren't bad as long as we don't loose sight of what is important. They are all about doing life together and pushing each other towards Christ. Theirs is the kind of church that God wants...one that loves people and loves Him. It was so inspiring to see people like that!

CULTURE-I'm in love. I've always known that cultures have interested me and I knew I would enjoy it but I didn't realize how much. I adored being able to get a taste of what it's like to live there. To speak Spanish everyday. To see women with bushels of wheat on their backs. To see street performers in Quito. To eat their food (guinea pig isn't as bad as it sounds).To hear their beautiful music. Every new discovery was exciting! On our last day we went to the Mitad del Mundo (Equator) and there was a shopping plaza there where we got to go souvineer shopping. At one point I stepped outside of the shop I was in with my friends and just watched. There was a group playing Ecuadorian music in the center of the plaza and people were walking around. They wore different clothes, spoke Spanish, many probably living in brick houses. It was so different than my life. I loved it and drank it in for as long as I could. Something in me draws me to different cultures. Each one is so unique and beautiful. The Ecuadorian culture was no exception and I loved it!

PEOPLE-I can honestly say I've never been so touched as I was by the hearts of the Ecuadorian people. They were the most loving, accepting, and greatful people I've ever met. When we first came into their church they were constantly coming up to us and shaking our hands, kissing our cheeks, or trying to use broken English to welcome us and show their gratitude for us being there. They put up with our Spanish the entire week and would help us without teasing (that we saw, at least!) The first VBS we did was at the house of a lady named Sonia. She had began a program every week for people in the community. After the VBS, she invited us back to her home for dinner....not an easy thing to do for 22 people. But she and her husband were sooo hospitable to us! The children were so loving. Many times, I had little girls run up to me and just climb in my lap or grab my hand.We would talk like old friends until they had to go home, but not before they would kiss my cheeks and give me a big hug. One time a little girl had climbed up into my arms and we were having a nice little chat and I asked what her favorite part of VBS was. She said (in Spanish) that her favorite part was being there with me. I thought I was going to melt. One day while we were painting outside, two little boys came and talked with me as I worked. We talked about my life in the U.S. and our families and what they wanted to be when they grew up. They just sat and chatted with me for a while then they wanted to help me! We had so much fun working together and talking. Although it was so simple, that was one of my favorite memories from the whole trip. The hardest part of the week was saying goodbye to those sweet people. After our last day of work in the church in Pifo we went to their sanctuary and the pastor began to speak. He told us how we were now a part of their family and their doors would always be open to us. They gave each of us a beautiful leather clock with the name of our church and their church-a gift that we knew they couldn't afford. They presented us with a plaque with a Spanish bible verse to bring back to our church. In reality, we hadn't done anything amazing. Sure, we took down a few walls and painted a kitchen and some other things but it wasn't anything lifechanging. Yet, they were sooo greatful towards us. We were all moved to tears by their kind hearts. They thanked all of us so many times!  Although we thought we had said goodbye, that night a group of ten people from the church suprised us by coming to our apartment (an hour away) to play us some traditional Ecuadorian music as a thank you. We had soooo much fun listening to the beautiful music. We sang Amazing Grace in two different languages. It was so perfect. Again, we were so moved that they spent the time to come and play for us. We felt like we had a new family in them and it was hard to say goodbye. Their loving hearts towards us and God had such a huge impact on me that week!

CHALLENGES-I was totally out of my comfort zone in Ecuador. None of my close friends were going on that trip and it was my first missions trip without my best friend. Not only that, but they were just coming back from their trip when I was leaving so I barely got to talk to them the week before I left. So I was way out of my element. I had also been put in charge of doing music before we left and I was so nervous. It continually pushed me out of my comfort zone because I hate being in front of people!! The first day we were there I was told we were going to sing in front of 300-400 people in church the next day. Scaredoutofmymind. Although I was constantly being challenged with that, I can see now how it was a good thing. God revealed Himself to me so much. I no longer had a friend to text or even to talk to when I was upset or had something to say... now I had to pray about it and tell my Best Friend. I felt very lonely sometimes but I began to realize how I wasn't alone at all..He wanted me to tell Him EVERYTHING. I also had the opportunity to praise God using some....talents? I would never be the one to volunteer myself to do music but somehow it worked out I was the only one who could play acoustic guitar. It was cool to see how God used my very small musical abilites to get what He needed done. One moment sticks out in my mind...as we were singing in church that first Sunday I had a surreal moment. It hit me what I was doing. Playing guitar in front of a large crowd in another country, leading my group in singing a worship song to God. The words hit me differently that time I sang it "So take me as you find me, all my fears and failures. Fill my life again. I give my life to follow everything I believe in, now I surrender. Savior, He can move the mountains, My God is mighty to save, He is mighty save. Forever, author of salvation, He rose and conquered the grave, Jesus conquered the grave." I realized that if I gave God everything I had, my strengths & my weaknesses, He would use it to glorify Him. That's a pretty cool promise if you ask me.

So what did I learn? I learned alot.  I learned that God can do extraordinary things throught ordinary people. I met so many people throughout the week that were doing amazing things for God. Pastor Jose in the dump ministry was making a huge impact on the lives of people that live in some of the worst situations possible. He is not only helping their physical needs, but showing them how to fulfill their spiritual needs through Jesus. Pastor Jose is not highly educated or come from a wonderful, easy lifestyle, yet he is changing these people's lives. We also heard the story of how Extreme Response (the missions agency we went with) was started. The missionaries had started a small ministry in the dumps and decided to throw a Christmas party for the people that lived there. They had planned for 300 people and 600 people ended up coming. As they served food they realized they would soon run out...but they never did and they even had ten gallons left over. If that's not a miracle I don't know what is. I found out later that both of those missionaries had graduated from a high school in my school district. They lived in the same city I do. They were probably alot like me and God used them to be a part of something like that and now they are impacting literally thousands of people worldwide through Extreme Response. I learned that God loves it when I have to fully depend on Him.  Although it was really hard being away from my friends and family, I found out what it means to depend on God. To tell Him what's on my mind and turn to Him when I'm lonely. I also saw it in the Ecuadorian people and how they relied on Him so greatly. They needed Him to provide for their church and for their own needs.  Through that, they fall deeper in love with Him. Even though that can be a very scary place to be, when we depend on God for everything we can see who He really is. I learned that God loves culture even more than I do. He made the Ecuadorian culture the way it is. He made the hearts of the people there. He crafted all of it just perfectly and it glorifies Him. We sang Open the Eyes of my Heart in Spanish and English...it was such a beautiful moment. Both of our languages praising the same Lord. I'm pretty sure I could feel God smiling during that song :)

 
My experience in Ecuador was so much different than I ever expected. It was not the easiest trip I've ever been on but my eyes were opened so much.  I know the people there impacted me so much more than I ever impacted them. I believe that God worked things out just the way He wanted them to be. Like I said before, I can't put this trip into words. My heart was changed by the people of Ecuador and through seeing God work. When you get a chance to see what God is doing around the world, it will totally change your life. I'm so thankful I got the opporunity to go to Ecuador!

Adventure>Fear

I love the idea of adventure. It excites me. I've always wanted to sieze every adventure that this life has to offer, whether it be in my backyard or across the world. Now I have the opportunity to go on a real life adventure and I'm scared to death. I'm scared of failing at the responsibilities I've been given. Scared of the difficulties and complexities of traveling to another country. Scared of getting sick or hurt when I'm there. Scared of missing out on something important when I'm there. Scared silly of the unknown.

Adventure [ad-ven-chur]: (n) an exciting or very unusual experience. participation in exciting undertakings or enterprises. a bold, usually risky undertaking; hazardous action of uncertain outcome. (v) to risk or hazard. to take the chance of; dare.

Risk and uncertainty are part of the adventure. It's part of what make it an experience worth remembering and savoring. It's overcoming those obstacles that's the important element of adventure. If that's the case, the only thing that can kill the adventure is giving into fear. It's inevitable that one will be afraid of the unknown, but the key is doing what needs to be done despite the emotions. One of my favorite quotes is " Always do what you are afraid to do." (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Do it anyway. That's the heart of adventure: Overcoming the obstacles and emotion to sieze the opportunity before you.

I'm going to try to remember this as this adventure begins to unfold...this is one opportunity I do not want to miss out on!